On the Road to Emmaus- Journeying with the Risen Lord

   God conquered death. That's why I should not fear death. God was raised from the dead after three days. Indeed, we are journeying with the Risen Lord.
    Today's gospel talks about the RESURRECTION of our Lord Jesus Christ. Aside from the truth that He's the Risen Lord, there is something deeper beneath this very beautiful story of conquering death, journeying from an empty tomb to the fullness of life, from darkness to light. Jesus has chosen the disciples who are going to see Him. Mary Magdalene, Simon Peter and another disciple. But instead of letting Himself be seen by His beloved disciples in the proud and busy place like Jerusalem, He chose to be in Emmaus, a very silent and an ordinary place, 11km. from Jerusalem. What is something beyond this?
    In our hearts, we always wanted to feed our egoistic nature, we're so full of pride about our worldly achievements. We always glorify ourselves every time we gain something for ourselves. We also lavish ourselves with so much noise and confusion that we forget to pause, think and reflect. We always kindle the big 'Jerusalem' in our hearts when we pry ourselves with selfishness and evil. We seek for happiness, we caught ourselves always longing, wanting, and desiring. We always thirst and we have never quench our thirst. In our disheartened world, we forget the little ' Emmaus' in our hearts where Jesus awaits, waiting to see and to be seen. In the silence of our hearts, God speaks to us in real and clear words. It is about time to walk to the road leading to Emmaus and journey with the Risen Lord in this life.

Good Friday- Seven Last Words of Jesus

The 1st Word

Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots. (Luke 23:34)

The 2nd Word

And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise. (Luke 23:43)

The 3rd Word

When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son! (John 19:26)

The 4th Word 

And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? which is, being interpreted, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? (Mark 15:34)

The 5th Word

After this, Jesus knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the scripture might be fulfilled, saith, I thirst. (John 19:28)

The 6th Word

When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and died. (John 19:30)

The 7th Word

And when Jesus had cried with a loud voice, he said, Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son for the salvation of men...

Reunions

    I am truly contained in a banquet of joy upon seeing old friends and acquaintances this week. I was brought to my fondest memories in college with Norms and Joy last Saturday, April 16, and we had a meaningful talk about our faith life. We had set our priorities now to a higher degree. We had more regard to our purpose than our achievements. We've talked about our varying personality and all our experiences that have brought impact in our lives. Thanks to you my dear friends for sharing your precious time with me on that fateful night.

    And few days after, God has given me another reason to be happy. I call it PROVIDENCE. Early this Wednesday, April 20,  I was with my high school friends, Fem2, Rochelle, Matet, Rachel and Luv. A night of talking and reminiscing was never enough. We were only filled with countless stories of our daily plights in life, we expressed sentiments about our frustrations in our respective work places. We've understood ourselves a little more. And after realizing that our topics were dreary and heart crushing, we've caught ourselves exchanging topics, setting aside our problems, focusing on the bubbly side of life. We've talked about our carefree nature. We exchanged laughters and smirks, we spent hours reminiscing our high school experiences, being trapped in a DOST class which is really a pride and honor. We have received strenuous academic trainings, we were loaded with lots of projects and we've realized how stressed our lives were during high school. As we recounted them, we never capitalize on the stress, we focused our gab on how we were able to  get through it. Nevertheless, we considered ourselves fortunate for we experienced pressures and hardships early in life, that have molded us to be who we are now. It did prepare us for a deeper reality in life which we are experiencing now.
     Thank you very much for my classmates and friends for the time we've spent together. Our memories will never be forgotten. Thank you for your thoughtfulness and messages of love. You have left an imprint in my heart. Wherever we will be, whatever trail we take, I know God will be with us every step of the way. See you soon. God bless you in your respective lives.

Lessons from Fatima

      Everything I should have learned in life, I've learned from Fatima. She is a blind teenage girl who is called a 'miracle kid', having claimed to have seen and talked Mama Mary. I watched the TV program, The Bottomline, for the first time. I truly could not describe the feeling that drew me in and glued me to watch and listen very intently to that very meaning-filled interview. There, for the first time, I felt the depth of one's innocence, the incorruptibility of one's soul. As I was digesting every word she uttered, I felt intensely magnified by her words as if the words were heaven-sent. Her words were simple, direct, and genuine.  Like the rest of the bottomliners, I felt embarrassed for myself. I was taken aback and startled upon knowing that here she is, a simple lass of less than eighteen years old, a blind at that, talked a lot about her love for God and Mama Mary as if she has really seen them. Not only that, she meant every word she said. She always started her conversation with the opening phrase, "I see in my heart,..........." It was so touching that she felt the realness of God and  Mama Mary without having the eyes to see, and just letting her heart to feel and believe what she felt in her heart. I felt ashamed and I have asked myself, am I the real blind? Why did it take me so long to realize what is essential in this life? While it is true that a lot of people including myself have eyes to see, we remained blind. We have blindfolded our eyes, we failed to see the reality unfolding before us. Our hearts are hardened by our senseless pursuits of power, knowledge, possessions and a variety of worldly things. We keep on climbing the highest echelon in the society and at the end of day, we've learned we are still kindergartens in this life. We have never learned that the most essential thing is not a thing and that the essential thing is invisible to the eye.
    It takes a simple girl's words to lead me to the most essential values in life: SIMPLICITY, FAITH and WISDOM.

Meaningful Quotes (Vocation )

" Do not worry and do not be afraid for nothing is lacking for one who has God. The Lord suffices."
St. Rita

"It is not honor and glory that I desire, when I resolve to dedicate my life to Christ, it is the cross and the life of suffering that I embrace, nothing more." St. John the Baptist of Concepcion

"Lord, I have resolved to offer my life to you, I lift up to you all the outcomes. If I win, I'll praise you. If I lose, I'll still praise you. My life is not about me, it's about you. It is for me to use the tools you've given me for your greater honor and glory." - From the movie ' Facing the Giants' (March 31, 2011)

"I need you Lord in my life. I need you to come into my life. I need you. It is you that I thirst."

"I give my life, my all to you Lord. I entrust everything into your most Holy hands. You are always with me." Gigi

The Rediscovered Self

Three names I get used to hearing:

1. Gigi

2. Gina

3. Jena
Three People I Love The Most :
1. Mama
2. Papa
3. Dodong (my brother)

Three Good Traits I've Learned About Myself:

1.Persevering

2. Responsible

3. Self- Regulating

Three Things I Could Identify Myself With:

1.Books (inspirational and devotional)

2. Journals and pens

3. Very pink-y room

Three Things I Love Doing:

1. Reading

2. Writing something 
3.Watching T.V.(documentary programs and showbiz-related talkshows)

Three Things I Hate Doing but I Have To:

1. Studying

2. Hurrying

3.Checking (Editing, Revising)

Three Favorite Books and Authors:

1. The Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren

2. ABNKKBSNPL ako by Bob Ong

3. Rumors of Another World by Philip Yancey
Three Favorite Teachers:
1. Ma'am Lagura (elementary)
2. Ma'am Quevido(high school)
3. Some of my SMC College Teachers (too many to mention)
Two Favorite  Places:
1. Camiguin
2. Tagaytay
Two Favorite Snacks:
1. Corn
2. Toasted Bread
Two Favorite Dishes:
1. Beef Caldereta
2. Pork Caldereta
Two Closest Elementary Friends:
1. Mylene
2. Dianne
Two Closest High School Friends:
1. Eufemia
2. Rochelle
Two Closest College Friends:
1. Norms
2. Joy
Two Closest Colleagues in the Grade School Department:
1. Luding
2. Ma'am Shie
Two Good Companions in the GS:
1. Alma
2. Aubrey
Two Closest Colleagues in the College Department:
1. Neil
2. Flora
Two Good Group Companions in the College:
1. Egphae Society
2. the 'defunct' Junk Pepa

One Very Significant Person in My Life:

Sister Elsa

One and Only Favorite TV Personality:
 Paula Peralejo (former actress)


One Favorite News Anchor:
Jessica Soho


One Favorite TV Program:
I-WITNESS

One Favorite Mini Books/ Booklet:

Candid Moments by Fr. Gerry Orbos, SVD


One Favorite Newspaper Section:
Youngblood

One Thing I Hate Doing:

 Washing Clothes

One Virtue I Need to Live with:

Integrity

One Trait I Value the Most:

Sensibility

One Overwhelming Weakness I Have:

Sugarcoating Hard Facts and Real Experiences

One Strong Trait I Have:

Taking Responsibility 

One 'Thing' I Value in Life that is not a thing:

Building Good Relationships

One Guiding Principle in Life:

Be good and do good

One Motto in Life:

When life is a lemon, turn it into a lemonade. (That's basically the reason why I love sugarcoating)

One Trait I Admire About Others that I Don't Have:

Courage

One Trait I Hate About Others:

Greed

One Thing to be conquered in my life:

Pride

One Hardest Thing to Embrace:

Rejection

One Biggest Lesson in Life:

Everything happens for a reason.

One Biggest Question in Life:

What happens to persons who have died before us, where are they now? 

One Bigger Question about My Life:

Where will I go when I die?

One Greatest Fear:

Death

One Biggest Belief about God:

God is LOVE. He is an all- forgiving God.  No sin is greater than His LOVE for all of us.

One Ultimate Weapon in Life:

Prayer

One Greatest Dream:

To serve God and others

One Ultimate Belief in Life:

Believing on the things that are unseen- FAITH

One Greatest Idea of Faith:

That there is GOD in everything.

One Greatest Belief about Love:

LOVE is God and God is love. 

My Ultimate Source of Life, Love and Everything:

GOD

Integrity- Not too many people get to live with it

     Integrity. Mr. Webster defined it as the firm adherence to moral principles and values.
     In my 25 years of living and co-existing in this world, I have come to know that not too many people get to live with integrity. I, being one of those people.
     It took a while for me to realize the deeper meaning of what I consider to be the most important virtue in life- INTEGRITY. For me, it means wholeness, oneness, completeness, to sum it, incorruptibility of one's self.
    Incorruptibility of one's self means that our thoughts, feelings and actions are in congruence with one another. It can be said further that in any given circumstances and life situations-the mind, heart and body should always go together. I believe that every human being has an inherent and innate incorruptibility sown in each one of us which our natural goodness resides, that is, our SOUL.
    Our soul is the entirety of our ESSENCE. Life would be without meaning if we are not deeply rooted in our essence. God has placed inside each one of us a seed, seed of goodness, that in our existence, the seed He has planted in us, will bear fruits and yield branches,that in times of difficulties and struggles, persecutions and tribulations, tests and rejections, we will remain still, steady, and strong, ever receptive of His grace.That in all our choices and decisions in life, we will clearly see our ground at all costs, hold them firmly, deeply anchored on our moral beliefs and principles.
   Having this as irrefutable basis of integrity, I could honestly say that in so many occasions in my life, I become DISHONEST to my self and to others. Going into my own discovery of self, I've realized that almost, if not all occasions, I have not acted according to what I believe is right and proper but according to other people's opinions. My image, my view of self is anchored on the 'good image' I portrayed for others to see. I knew very well that I always acted according to the expectations  of others. In my wanting to please others, win their sides, gain their approval and appreciation, I developed a rotten system of make-believe. In the process, I don't have a healthy sense of self. Literally, I've lost my self, my individuality, my worth. It is hurting and even more painful to note, that in trying to please everybody, trying to do the things expected of me , trying to convince others of the goodness I have, I am at my losing end. There came a point that I don't know myself anymore. I can't reconcile my thoughts with my feelings and so are my actions. There's rumbling of emotions within me, there's too much of  confusing thoughts, there's too many stressing and depressing consequences of actions.I feel trapped in a vicious cycle of nothingness and of the unknown that I unconsciously built against myself making life unbearable for me. It seems there's no way out for me, it is haunting me to no end.
    God, in His infinite greatness, led me to a deeper self-discover last night. For once in my life, I tried my best to be honest in recounting the many events, situations and experiences I have had. Knowing the darkest aspects about myself is tough and it is even tougher to accept them as they are. It takes a lot of humility and courage to fully surmount the 'cliffs' of pretenses I made to myself and others. It takes a great deal of time to regain the 'self' I've lost. It takes a lot of acceptance to withstand rejection.It is easier for me to be in denial of my ugly self but I chose the harder part,that is to accept the unacceptable things about me for I know that more than anybody else, it's my self who's deeply hurt and has been heavily left with a painful scar that last a lifetime. More than anybody else, I need to be healed and I need to be forgiven. I should forgive myself and get to live a life of INTEGRITY.

God's Omnipresence

Feast of Sto. Nino

      I really thought that this day would turn out to be just an ORDINARY day.Ordinary day for me means doing the Saturday routine I am accustomed to- waking up before 7:00 a.m and preparing myself for a half-day class in CALL. Well, today turned out to be different than I expected it to be. I was about to prepare myself to school but apart of my morning syndrome( sitting, thinking,staring blankly at the wall, killing the precious time) got the worst in me. I felt like not going to school for no valid reason. My class supposedly starts at 8:00 a.m. but half past 8, I still see myself not compelled to move.With this, I accepted the fact that I will not be going to school, my logical mind says I'm not supposed to be absent but I am overwhelmed by my heart's message, that is, to be absent whether it's logical or not. To make the story short, I did not go to school. Period.
     At 9 o'clock, I saw my mother hurriedly taking a bath and urging me to join her in the procession.Thoughts were raging through me when she said 'procession' and I've realized that today is the Feast of Sto. Nino. And so with a short notice, I pushed all my energy buttons, I swiftly changed clothes,cleaned my face and ate a couple of toasted bread for breakfast and off we went.Our arrival to church was so untimely, the mass was almost through and I thought I missed the point of being there-in a celebratory mood yet not-so-meaning-filled. I just took pleasure upon seeing various faces of NINOs, wearing colorful costumes with intricate designs, looking as if a real child. I don't know what my initial reaction would be like-  would it be amazement or disgust, but truth to be told, I was amazed seeing a statue of Nino as a king, finely adorned with a royalty suit, as a prince, embellished with a nice golden robe, and as an ordinary child clothed with humility, joy and meekness. I was also stunned and appalled upon seeing statues of Nino dressed like a PNP (with small gun tucked on the side of the pseudo-uniform) , a PMAer with a name plate, a Chef with a ' proud name', a Fortune Teller, overly-decorated and multi-colored linens and so many more. It's a wonder to see how devotees express their devotion to the Child Jesus but sometimes, forgetting the essence and the heart of the celebration. Well that picture bothered me for awhile but I was deeply moved by the number of people who joined the procession. I felt the intense eagerness and passion to sustain an hour of sun-drenched walking in the soil of Tagum. It was a totally humid day and the intensity of  the sun's heat hovering our heads didn't stop the pile of people from joining the flock. I felt the celebration by the unabated shouts of 'Pit Senyor' by the procession goers. I saw a handful of children in festive mood never minding the heat and  the distance to be covered all throughout the procession.I truly felt the air of such a 'feast' and so I personally enjoyed the entire 'walking experience', feeling the heat and pain, tasting my dried mouth,and the longing for water to relieve my thirst. Finally, we reached the church and we've finished the procession. After reaching the place, devotees started dancing and shouting, I was even moved to dance not minding about what other people would think of me. I joined the beat of the music that says 'Ihatag ang kinabuhi sa Ginoo'. I was almost moved to tears upon feeling the heart of the celebration which is honoring the CHILD JESUS in my heart who is just after of pleasing the FATHER. I danced not to the tone of the external music but to the beatings of my heart. I felt like dancing with the rest of the people while holding the statue of Nino in both hands. But suddenly the celebration was spoiled when people suddenly got the flowers from the altar of the Statue of Sto. Nino outside the church where the celebration was held. Then, an angry voice caught the attention of almost all who danced, angry as she was, she announced (not in exact words but in thoughts, it goes)'Pagsayaw sayaw lang mo dinha pero ayaw ninyo kuhaa ang bulak kay 3,500 na tanan. Alas diyes nami sa gabii natulog para pag prepare ana, ayaw ninyo kuhaa. Asa naman inyo batasan? Unsaon na lang na ug matan-awan sa ato mga bisita nga wala na ang mga bulak). These words spoiled the momentum. The devotees stopped dancing, went to different sides of the church, and lost interest-no more dancing, no more celebration.
      Then, I tried to feel what I felt at that moment. It could have been more celebratory had it not for the old woman burst into anger, informing everyone of what she's done to prepare the flowers and all but eventually, spoiled what should have been celebrated. I felt frustrated. Honestly, I felt bad for the woman. But maybe she has just to be forgiven for she was strongly carried by her emotions.
      Now, what's my point of writing about this feast of Sto. Nino and the saga of an angry-old-woman. For one, we should not be too consumed with the external preparations. Before the feast, we should take time to reflect on the essence of celebrating it. Another is, we should think of the the 'ONE' we pay tribute for, just like in today's case, Sto. Nino. It is a feast portraying the child Jesus calling us to revisit the 'child' in our hearts. That amidst the noisy and confused world, we will have a heart like that of a child. For it is only through having the ways of a child that we can inherit the kingdom of God. We are reminded by that gospel every now and then. In whatever circumstance, we should maintain that 'child-like' disposition. Staying happy, living with no worries, delighting in the ways of the Lord, and smiling in every little splendor of life. We may have bundles of flowers, perfect arrangement and all other intricacies in a celebration but we missed the point when we don't EXPERIENCE the CELEBRATION of a TRUE FEAST prepared by the Lord.
      After all, God knows all our flaws and imperfections. What's important is to clothe ourselves with humility that we, too, like a child can see things beyond the flaws and imperfections of others, much more of ourselves.
     Well, I should have used the word "I" instead of 'we'. Nevertheless, it is my greatest reflection today-to be humble and to take the disposition of a child in whatever circumstance in life I would be facing each day. More often than not, I was also like the angry-old-woman, but the challenge is to see things in a different perspective. From now on, I will take the robe of the Child Jesus in dealing with life- not to be so hard, not to be so stern, not to be so stiff, not to be so righteous as if I'm perfect, but the call is simply to be a CHILD. A child with no hang ups, with no worries, with no regrets. A child who's willing to forgive, who's willing to obey, and who's willing to TRUST over and above.A child who's always happy and cheerful despite uncomfortable circumstances, who's always loving and sweet, who's nature is always to be good and do good. I pray I could be like a CHILD, bear the heart of a child and live each day with a loving trust to the Heavenly Father.

Who Am I?

  

        As it is said, it takes a whole lifetime to know thyself. Yet, every day brings new experiences, new lessons, new realizations that will lead you to discovering your very true self.

As a child, I grew up in a normal family living a very simple life. I belong to a family that values traditional traits such as obedience and respect. My father is a disciplinarian and he was able to discipline us, his children, but sad to say, he wasn’t able to discipline himself especially when it comes to his vices, smoking and drinking alcohol. However, he is taking those vices now in moderation. My mother, on the other hand, is the strength in the family being the breadwinner most of the time. She is patient, prayerful and I may say, very religious. I always see her bringing a rosary with her and she prays the holy rosary every night. What I can still vividly remember is that we used to pray the rosary altogether when I was a child but it stopped when my brother and I used to play around our sole while kneeling. We couldn’t understand yet the essence of praying the rosary but our mother never failed to instill to us the importance of praying and having strong faith in God. My mother always brought us along with her on Sunday masses without a miss. She pinched us everytime we’ll not accompany her. Moreover, my mother is very serious in earning for our daily bread. She got married at an early age of 20 but she knew already how to take responsibility at that very early age. She toiled hard everyday of her life just to sustain us in our daily needs. My father used to be a farmer but when we transferred to a city, they started a small business and that business carried us along until we finish college. Our parents don’t have college education and that’s the reason why we value education in the family. Without the hard work and perseverance of my parents, we cannot get the college diploma that we now enjoy and we cannot be the persons they've dreamed us to be.

 I have only one brother. He is my playmate, my companion and my best buddy. I could say that he’s my number one fan and at the same time, my best critic. He told other people about my bests (of which I learned later at school) and he is very honest enough to tell me about my worsts. We grew up very close to each other since we share the same joys and pains in the family. If something is going on in our family, we always consult each other especially in making important decisions. He has proven his love to me when I was at the lowest ebb in my life, when I got my myoma and had it operated. He was there in my suffering, very considerate in my whole process of pain. He even gave up his job just to take care of me while in the hospital. He became my nurse, my very patient and comforting nurse. He is with me in almost, if not, all important occasions in my life.

Going through operation was the hardest time for me since I didn’t have any hospital experience at all, until I reached the age of 23. When the doctor discovered about my myoma, that was the biggest predicament I ever had. It sounded like cancer to me, maybe it’s because of the dread I felt when I am in the hospital, seeing blood. When I got that operation, it tested the whole me. I was vexed by various emotions- physical discomfort, mental anxiety, emotional distress. But God has been so good to me for the entire experience has been the greatest blessing I have ever received. He became so real and nearest to me than I could imagine. The operation may come as a trial to me at first but realizing the beauty of the entire experience made me believe the grace of God He has constantly poured on me. With that experience, I have learned to embrace the beauty hidden in each and every experience I go through in life. I have also learned to appreciate the goodness in each and every person I encounter in life. They have become the bedrock of my strength and inspiration. I would have never realized all of these, had it not been for my myoma. When I’m faced now with difficulties and challenges, I remained unfazed. I already know how to keep my pace and keep my faith. I become strong to face problems no matter how insurmountable they may seem. I’ve learned most importantly to value my life and to find deeper meaning in my life. God is leading me to where He wanted me to go….to the road less traveled.

Since I was a second year high school, I have this thought of becoming a nun. Yes, I really wanted to enter a convent but I’ve learned that congregations will only accept aspirants who are at least graduates in high school, I really then wanted to graduate as soon as possible so I could be a nun. I don’t know how I was able to contain such a thought but I had this strong desire to enter a religious life. At that time, I started listening to Christian and gospel songs, I started reading the Holy Scriptures, I attended masses, I constantly visited the Shrine of the Sacred Heart, and I loved listening to God’s word. Since I studied in a public school, we only had our catechism every Wednesdays and I had always been attentive to our Cathechism classes. From there, it developed my fondness for knowing and reading God’s word. My favorite song at that time was “Lord, I want to know you more”. In an honestly-vague-profound-and- inexplicable way, I wanted to know the Lord.  At that time, I had friends who are non- Catholics but showed great respect for Catholics. We gathered every lunch to have bible study. One of my closest friends also was a member of Youth for Christ (YFC) and she always invited me to join in their fellowship. I joined one of their fellowships but being the introvert person that I am, I realized that I cannot be as sociable as them and so I decided not to join YFC. But my journey of wanting to know God is rumbling within me. In my entire high school years, I have always been visited by the thought of becoming a nun, though at that time, I have not seen any nun at all.

While entering college, it was the biggest crossroad in my life. I don’t know what course to take and what school to enroll in college. I was perplexed. I wanted to study in a university far from our place but the circumstances at that time did not allow, despite the scholarship I was able to avail. My mother wanted me to study in a university in our place but while I was enrolling in that would-be-school, I was disappointed to see male students wearing earrings and with tattoos all over their bodies. I was so afraid looking at them and so I decided not to enroll in that particular school even if my mother would be indignant about my decision. I was so down and confused at that time for I was left with no choice. I wanted to enroll in any course related to behavioral sciences since I wanted to be a psychologist or a social worker but that did not happen. I was so devastated. And so, I decided to enroll in St. Mary’s College. I was hesitant to enroll in this school at first because it is known to be a very expensive school of which only rich could afford (that was my thought before), so SMC was my last option since it is the only school in Tagum which cater to late enrollees like me at that time. I took up Commerce (far from my choice) for it was the only course which they say ‘strike anywhere’, meaning you can have a job of any sort for as long as you are a commerce graduate. But my path was tilted once again when I applied for a PESFA scholarship. At first, the associate dean in education was reluctant to accept me as a scholar since the prime requirement is for a candidate to be coming from poor and big families. Since I only have one sibling, he thought we were not that poor. But I was begging him to no end until he agreed to accept my requirements. He said I would only be a scholar if I pass the CHED standards. One week after the submission of my requirements, my request was granted. I became a scholar but I didn’t know that it was only meant for education students. And so, I immediately dropped my commerce subjects and instantly became an education student. In education, I had fun learning about theories of learning and philosophies of teaching. I came to understand the different learning styles of students and the methodologies suited for a particular group of students. I met Dewey, Pavlov, Kohlberg and some other theorists and philosophers. I never regretted being an education student. I had countless experiences in the classroom when I had my practicum and that opened a whole lot of new learnings for me. I finished my baccalaureate degree- Bachelor of Elementary Education with an area of concentration in English. I felt so fulfilled holding my college diploma.

 Getting a college diploma is not an end in itself or so, before I thought, it is. I was so blessed to be given the chance to have my first year of teaching in the same school in the elementary department after I graduated. It was not a smooth sailing experience though for I had experience a lot of challenges that tested my very weak soul. At that time, those problems were very hard for me to handle but as I am recounting them now, they were all trivial matters that were meant to teach me simple but significant lessons in life. My second year of teaching was the best teaching experience I have encountered. I have learned to adjust with my environment. I loved my students very much and I deeply cared for them. This was the time when I can say teaching is a fulfilling vocation. I was inspired to be with my students and to do the best I can whether my students feel it or not. At that time, I’ve learned to embrace teaching. Though it was tiring but at the end of the day, I can sense fulfillment in my heart. That was a happy year for me. But on my third year of teaching, I experienced the greatest challenge in my life. I was given a big responsibility. I was so reluctant to accept because of the rigorous task ahead of me but I was made to accept the job. I was appointed as the Academic Coordinator at that time. I was so young, impulsive, idealistic and determined to follow the straight line. And so in my wanting to follow what should be ideal, I failed. I experienced several traumas because of the demanding job entrusted to me. But after five months, I was diagnosed to have myoma and the doctor advised me to have it operated as early as possible. I had bulging stomach at that time and I felt series of physical discomforts. I decided to have it operated after the school year ended. April 7, 2009 was the date of my operation. I opted to resign from my job prior to my operation. But after two months of rest, I was given an offer to teach in the college. With a hesitant heart at that time, I still accepted the teaching stint in the college.

That opportunity got to be another new adjustment to me. I had a new job, CALL In-charge in the college, that means, that I’ll not be dealing with elementary students anymore but college students, that also means I’ll be having new companions, I’ll be working in a different environment, so to speak. I both made minor and major adjustments. Few months after I’ve transferred, I experienced bouts of depression. I don’t know what happened to me. Maybe it was part of my post- operative syndrome. I felt I was secluded from the rest of the word. I felt I was caged. I was inside the laboratory the whole day, facing computers, giving instructions to my students, telling them about rhetoric in speech, setting the software program, creating learning paths and many more. In short, I kept myself busy but there was something that I missed. I thought for a while, and I figured out that, I missed the real classroom setting. During the second semester on that year, I was so happy that I was given the teaching load in English. With this, I was so inspired to finish my master’s degree so that I will make myself qualified to teach. I was so happy being with the college students. I felt the challenge in teaching them to learn, unlearn and relearn. I felt fulfillment when I have imparted something for them to keep. I taught English subjects and I always made sure that they’ll get something valuable.

This is my second year of teaching in the college. I couldn’t imagine how I was able to manage every adjustment I have to make. I am not a perfect teacher and I will never be. There were times in which I felt I was unsuccessful in teaching my students especially if they have not understood a particular topic, have not mastered a particular concept, and have not applied a particular learning. I felt sad when they got low scores in their quizzes and exams, when they failed, when they dropped.  But I have always been considerate. In my five years of teaching, I cannot recall failing a student who has shown enough diligence in studying. But there were times, I dropped students who didn’t have enough discipline even after I made several attempts of reaching out to them. When I felt low, I consoled myself by saying that the outcome in teaching is intangible, it is beyond the naked eye. What is important is one’s sincerity and generosity in teaching. After all, teaching is the work of the Master’s Hands, I am just an instrument. Every day, I thank God for leading me to where He believes I can serve better His vineyard. I felt blessed to be given this merit to shape young minds and hearts. For it is also through teaching, that I see and feel Christ in my midst.

Now that I am 25, I made the biggest and bravest decision ever. After years of discernment, I now reached to the finality of my decision to enter in the religious life. It took years of soul-searching, careful harmonizing, balancing and weighing, of the things I will leave behind. It took a leap of faith and several grains of courage for me to finally open my decision to my family, friends and loved ones. It is not easy for them to accept. Most of them criticized me at first but with the grace of God, they have understood little by little my decision. Though not all of my family members agree, I know that God will give them opportunity to understand. I know deeply in my heart, that the road to being a religious is not easy, it is a journey, it is a process. If it is then a process, it is hard. Harder than what anybody would think it is. I place entirely all my trust in God’s holy hands. I am nothing before Him but I know that He will do something out of my nothingness. I am sinful, more sinful than anybody else but I know God will make something out of my sinfulness. I entrust my will to Him. With fervent prayer and deep faith, God will surely unravel His will for me in my life.

All throughout my experiences, from the time I entered St. Mary’s College, 9 years ago until now; I saw figures of women in veil. I didn’t know what nuns are and how they lived their lives until I’ve met the RVM sisters. I would like to believe that these women have been my constant sources of inspiration especially when I’ve met the likes of S. Ging (who used to be the Grade School Principal when I started teaching) and S. Elsa (who had been the finance officer in my third year of teaching) and other RVM sisters who have been part of my growth as a person. They were inspirers and life-bringers to me. They have journeyed with me in my vocation. I thank them for the generosity of their hearts and most importantly for showing the genuineness of their souls. I’ve seen the 'humanness' in them and I thank them for being the persons that they are. Before, I thought that nuns are perfect, they are like paragons in the society but they have proved me wrong. Nuns are just like any other person who commits mistakes everyday of their lives but their only difference is that they are more repentant and discerning than the rest. When I have thought of what congregation to choose, I was hesitant at first, for I need to know myself, my strengths, my charisms but later my thought led me to the RVM Congregation, being the first Filipino women congregation. And aside from that, I have a sense of familiarity of the dear foundress, Venerable Ignacia del Espiritu Santo, being an adopted Ignacian daughter for nine years. I have come to know who she is not by facts but by heart. I knew, in my heart, that she has a deep spirituality – a contemplative in action. I thank God for the gift of Mother Ignacia who has sown the seed of vocation in me, that, I may, one day be like her, a woman of deep spirituality and be able to transform this spirituality into selfless service to others.

        Indeed, God has moved me to courageously traverse the road less traveled. It is a journey- painful, difficult and self-effacing journey of knowing the One and True God and in the process of knowing my Maker, I will deeply discover an answer to a query I’ve ever learned- who am I?